Ever since the universe mysteriously gifted me with the Food Network, I’ve been eating up — ha, get it? — the Next Food Network Star. It seems like all the remaining contests have learned by now that personal anecdotes in their presentations go a long way. And…on last week’s episode, Bob Tuschman even said that the job of the Next Food Network Star is as much about storytelling as it is about food. And it got me thinking…
Here I’ve been scrambling up and down and all over trying to piece together a career that will — 1) allow me to pay my rent and bills on time; and 2) feed my dual writing/food passions — and maybe becoming a Food Network star has been the answer all along?
I don’t think I’d last very long on the show though. I have NO IDEA how these guys whip out dishes so quickly. It’s the same thing with Chopped — they get SUCH CRAZY INGREDIENTS…like, say, pork belly and mint chocolate chip ice cream and polenta and one of the judges says something like, “Make me breakfast!” and I feel like you don’t ever see one of the contestants pause for even a moment to think, “What on earth am I going to do with this?” And, not only that, but — especially on the Next Food Network Star — they just instantaneously seem to have such well-thought-out dishes with fancy-pants names. Sure, there are missteps — I like Aria a lot, but agree with the naysayers that her fried shrimp was hardly a modern spin on pigs in a blanket. But, overall, I have to give the contestants props because — as noted — it’s gotta be super-tough to cook on your feet like that.
Then again, Aria’s shrimp is what inspired that judge from Esquire (…who I thought looked like he was channeling a star of the silent film era…or one of the Blues Brothers…) to say that he has interviewed countless super-successful people and the one thing they all have in common is that they took risks in their lives. And I found that comforting. Maybe the answer is that if I can somehow manage to wait out this massive period of uncertainty *just* *a* *little* *bit* *longer*, I’ll be one of those super-successful people interviewed by an editor in a bowler hat.