"Bring Your Pet to the Bakery to Drink Wine"

So…I used to have a friend who was a freelance food writer and she had an assignment (?) to cover a new bakery in Brooklyn called Baked.

She called me up and I distinctly remember said, “It’s baking, it’s Red Hook…it’s the ultimate Lisa experience.”

And so we went…we tried some cupcakes, etc., etc. It was a good time.

There’s not much in the surrounding area, however…with the exception of a pet store and a wine shop. And it was right before Valentine’s Day so there were all sorts of fliers all over Baked for a singles mixer that was intended to combine all three prominent Red Hook businesses…but it came out a little weird – something like, “Bring your pet to the bakery to drink wine.”

You may recall I have an obese cat…and so soon thereafter, I was holding him and walking around my apartment when I caught sight of us in the mirror and realized he takes up my entire torso…and then I laughed about how there was no way I could possibly haul him around for an entire evening at the well-intentioned but perhaps somewhat misguided social mixer.

Shortly after that, I have a friend from Georgia who had a friend from college who had recently moved to New York. So, as these things go, my friend gave him my number and we eventually agreed to meet up for sushi.

This was around the time when it seemed everyone in the entire world had seen Sideways except for me (last October my mom and I did the Sideways wine tour in Santa Barbara!) and I remember I kept trying to order wine but they kept telling me they were out of what I had chosen…until finally it was slim pickins and I said, “The merlot? Do you have that?” and the guy I was with started laughing at me.

This, of course, was inspired by the infamous exchange in the film that I had not seen yet:

Jack: If they want to drink Merlot, we’re drinking Merlot.
Miles: No, if anyone orders Merlot, I’m leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

Things got even better from there!

The guy started talking proudly about his dog, a weimaraner. (I wish I could remember her name!) He went on and on and on about this dog…so, I decided to counter with a tale about my cat. And since the whole weird singles mixer thing had literally just happened, I thought maybe we could laugh about that.

So, I gave him my spiel. His response? “Oh, right. A single girl with a cat. You’d really stand out from all the spinsters…”

And then, as I sat there, mouth agape, not touching my glass of *&%$! merlot, he added, “So…what? Do you knit?”

And then…”Oh, that’s right. You bake.”

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2 Comments

Filed under Red Hook

2 responses to “"Bring Your Pet to the Bakery to Drink Wine"

  1. Boz

    Do you exude some sort of special pheromone that attracts these people, because I have never met anyone that tactless.

    And by the way, you can respond to comments. 😉

  2. LL

    Okay, Boz, I have to admit that I haven’t ever responded to a comment because I wasn’t quite sure what blog etiquette dictates. It seems weird for me to comment on my own blog…but if I was to comment on *your* blog about this, the thread would be lost. So…I’ll do it here and if it’s wrong, I will have to learn quickly as to avoid public humiliation again.

    You don’t know how right you are with the special pheromone business…I honestly think I could write a book about it if Theresa Rebeck hadn’t beaten me to the punch. (She wrote a play called “Bad Dates.” I haven’t seen it, but the very same aunt and uncle who now send me horrible man postcards raved about it.)

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