I’m afraid I’m going to go through withdrawal.

I officially have no one to bake for anymore…

Granted, I *suppose* I could always bake for my new classmates…but school seems less conducive to the leave-it-in-the-kitchen-and-send-out-an-e-mail-type baked good dispersion that I’m used to. Sure, I can still bake…but that means everything will be at home and before I know it, I will have to grease the frame of my freakishly small door in order to get in and out every day. I also wonder whether or not I will become even more of a neurotic mess if I don’t have baking to calm me. I suppose maybe this means I should try a little harder with the whole “will bake for commission”-thing. There was actually a time when I was thinking about launching my own baked good website for friends and colleagues to place orders…but that never actually got off the ground. (I also sort of stopped getting commissions, too…but I haven’t really done anything to actively revive them.)

(One such commission was for Garbotron’s baby shower and he was telling me recently that when they were eating the apple pie I made, one of his friends looked at my apples and said he would have sliced them differently. Interestingly enough, you may recall that while I was visiting my aunt, she gave me a Feemster’s Famous Vegetable Slicer…which I haven’t actually used yet…but should Garbotron commission me to bake a pie ever again, I shall use the famous slicer…and we’ll see if his friends are happier with the outcome. [And – OMG – I just Googled “Feemster’s Famous Vegetable Slicer” to find something to link to…and my blog is one of the sites that Google pulls up!)

I was sharing my concerns about baking withdrawal with a friend and *she* pointed out that Maggie Gyllenhaal‘s character in Stranger than Fiction started her own bakery after baking treats for study breaks while she was in law school…and realizing she liked baking better than law (or something like that). So, perhaps I, too, will indirectly find my purpose in J-school when I bring in sweet treats to ease the sting of a story that has been ripped to shreds…

It’s funny – I just got back from the Mets game (which *should* have been Glavine‘s 301st win…) and had a few things to do around my apartment before winding down for the night. I turned on the TV because I live alone and sometimes it’s nice to have noise in the background (or maybe I’m just a couch potato…even though I don’t actually have a couch). And it just so happened that the Sandra Bullock movie, While You Were Sleeping, was finishing up on TBS (a colleague at Dow Jones once told me that I look like her. Fun fact: in recent weeks I also have been told I look like Joey Potter and Neve Campbell…but that was pretty much by inebriates who had never met me before) and in one of the final scenes (spoiler alert!), she’s on her last day at work and has to say goodbye to one of her colleagues (as I had to do last night) before Mr. Right drops an engagement ring in her tray at the token booth and…flash forward to wedding bells and a voiceover in which she says that life never turns out like you plan it.

“What does any of this have to do with baking withdrawal?” you ask. Well…you see, I am at this weird juncture where I don’t exactly know what’s going to happen next and I know I’m not likely going to be the same person I am today come next May (hmm…sounds kind of like that song “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge, doesn’t it?)…and now I’m post-job…but classes haven’t started yet and I can’t help but feel a bit antsy. Am I making the right decision? Am I paralyzing myself financially? Is this going to get me where I want to go in the end? Should I just drop everything and move to Des Moines?

Although…in the end, like Ms. Bullock, I suppose I can’t plan out every last detail and so I just have to take a deep breath and make the leap and see what happens. I’m sure in their own way, someone will eventually drop something in the tray in my token booth as well and I will have my own moment of clarity. (Although I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to promote baking for commission…just so I have something to fall back on if journalism doesn’t quite work out for me.)

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