Oh, my oldest childhood friend who in junior high dubbed herself Big J; (…which my mother swore you’d regret someday…)
We’ve known each other since the third grade; and lost a plate in the oven once while Bagel Bites were being made.
You’ve been my beloved Valentine since we lost your boyfriend in Chinatown; and you’re the only other person I know who loves trying on tacky gowns.
We wrote about apes and monkeys in our sixth grade class; and you bumped a straw up my nose that same year while we were making masks.
You introduced me to the Irish Rovers and wonders of the Emerald Isle; and I will forever associate shelled reptiles with you, my little turtlephile.
We found maggots in Mississippi in a box of muffin mix; and you totally got me out of my comfort zone in a Costa Rican jungle while getting your ziplining fix.
No one appreciates James Joyce and/or Ulysses as much as you, Big J…; and so best wishes for the happiest birthday ever today!
